Yes, Rob – We Are Judging You!

After years of ‘not selling’ their epic relationship, Mr. & Mrs. Stewart have allowed Pop Sugar exclusive access to their lurve nest, in the beautiful gated community! Behind the privacy fences and in their private fortress, the couple frolicked in the California sun for the whole world to witness. (And PopSugar to photograph)
Those photos on the street and outside the hipster bar weren’t enough. Everyone cried ‘PR!’ because Rob made no attempt to hide his serial killer stage anger behind his Foster Grants. When news outlets are calling you out for your lack of originality and leading the ticket buyers to believe the wool is being pulled over their eyes – AGAIN – it is time to step up your game. And step it up they have.
First, leak a story on where the heroine Bella has bought her new home and just days later, it’s like this generation’s version of ‘House Beautiful’. Count ‘em folks – 83 pictures. Which brings me to the scant 50 pictures we viewed of the Trampire’s six-month indiscretion. Four hours, three photographers, and only fifty pictures? Let’s do the math and compare, shall we?
Scummit and Ruthless cannot sell a home wrecking Bella, but they can sell a completely pussy whipped Edward. Nice to see they are still following the script.
How anyone can look at this as anything other than a huge Hollywood game and another (poorly) studio-manufactured relay is a mystery to me. Speaking of mystery – the timing of Bob’s collar being yanked back to California is shockingly in sync to the PDA with the mystery blonde. (I’ll bet the tug on that leash left Bob with whiplash!)
Here is my final thoughts on the f*ckery and why I personally think there is no way life is rosey in Prstenland. Infidelity is forgiven every day, this I realize. However, it is one thing to hear of your lovers indiscretion – it is entirely another to see Fifty full-size glossy photo’s of another man dry humping the love of your life whilst you are at home eating hot pockets and watching reruns of Magnum P.I.
Men, by nature, are protective and territorial – and God love them for it. The only forgiveness coming from that kind of betrayal is an ‘I wish you well, but I’m moving on with my life’ kind of forgiveness. Not an ‘I love you so much that I have no problem putting my peen where I’ve seen another man’s face and I know you’ve been lying to me about it for 6-months.’

Let’s Talk About Rob’s Body

After reading the HollywoodLife EXCLUSIVE by Lillian Glass one has to wonder what qualifications are required for someone to be considered an ‘expert’.
“Rob may have been spotted with a sexy new girl at a late-night club, but he only has eyes for Kristen Stewart! HollywoodLife.com has EXCLUSIVE body language analysis — find out what he REALLY thinks about the two women in his life!”

Can I debunk what Rob is thinking? If he hasn’t told me personally, can I just make shit up too? If Lilly can call herself an expert on Bob’s body language and what he is thinking based on these photos, then I will declare myself an expert on bullshit. So, in our expert opinions, I imagine our conversation going a little something like this:

Lilly: “In one shot he has his arm around her, which indicates friendship,”

BS Detector (ME): How is it that an arm around a member of the opposite sex is limited to a friendship type gesture? And, there are SO many photos of Rob with his arm around Kscrew, so he must really want to ‘friendship’ the hell out of her too. Ohhh…wait…you (like the rest of the shippers) are stating those are different, right, Lilly? *wink – wink* Because those snapshots are usually during premieres and press junkets. Since there aren’t really any pics of Bob embracing K during any other epic occasion, are you thinking Bob reserves PDA only for Kristen Stewart…during film promotion? That makes no sense, Lilly! None at all.

Lilly: “In one of the photos, his shoulder is raised and he leans back and he holds on to his hands, which indicates he is not jumping into anything, but containing himself”

BS Detector: Seems to me he is leaning ever so slightly backwards to look at her and admire her. I guess that big smile on his face is indicative of nothing at all? Hmm. Do you just ready body language? Facial expressions…not so much? Pointing out more of the obvious, if Rob has to “contain himself” in my bullshit expert opinion, that would indicate some pretty intense chemistry.

Lilly: “There is a lot of direct eye contact between them”

BS Detector: YES!! Yes, there is! That is very intimate. So, how does this prove Rob wants nothing but BFF Status with his mystery blonde?

Lilly: “…but they don’t touch one another. They keep their hands to themselves, which shows they have boundaries.”

BS Detector: I’m just going with the obvious on this one. You are dissecting the romantic life of someone whom you do not know personally, who did not invite you to do so, and probably has no idea who you are. So, I don’t think you know the first thing about boundaries and this point is moot.

Lilly: “In the last photo, he whispers to her and they don’t touch — once again, leaning towards friendship. He whispers to her and she does not turn her face to him, which indicates they are keeping a physical distance.”

BS Detector: What in the hell about whispering indicates friendship or romance? One way or another. Again, I refer you to the big smile on Rob’s face and the fact that if she did turn her face to him, they would be in a lip-lock and your entire body language summation wouldn’t be needed. 😉

Lilly: “She does not lean into him as a person would if there was more intimacy.”

BS Detector: She is nearly sitting on his lap – how much closer would they have to be for you to consider this an intimate situation? I’m not just curious, Lilly, I really want to know, because I think your entire play-by-play of Rob’s evening as told through these grainy pictures is nothing but bullshit, PR, damage control. And that is my expert opinion.

Lastly – and this really is my absolute FAVE:

Lilly: “Rob, 26, is not ready to move on from 22-year-old Kristen,”

BS Detector: Did Rob tell you this, Lilly? Did he say to you: “Dr. Lillian Glass, I am not ready to move on from 22-year-old Kristen, now watch the way I handle my body around this mystery blonde so I can prove it to you”. Did he say that? …No?….Anything close to that?…No? That’s what I thought.
Hope to see you at the BD2 premiere so we can discuss his body again.
Until then…

Awww… PRsten Date Night!

The wait is over! Finally, our cuddley couple famewhores was spotted out and about the town. Where you ask? Well, that would be at one of the only places on the planet where pictures are NOT ALLOWED. 😉 How nice for Bob and his cheating whore co-star girlfriend. An oppourtinity to mend their broken hearts in private without the threat of any pesky amateur fan snapping a photo of any kind. And, what would you know – there is no sight of them coming or going from the Soho House, were reportedly, the supa star lurvers *gasp* smiled AND held hands! 😯 Like old times, one ‘source’ claims. I don’t know about everyone else, but I can’t ever remember them smiling and holding hands. Well…not with eachother.
And forget the rumors of a smoke-free PRsten, because sources also claim that between all that smiling and laughing – the couple found time for cigarette breaks outside the establishment, acting ‘really comfortable with eachother like none of that affair drama ever happened.’ (Yes, that IS in quotations, because that is actually what is printed!)
It just sounds so freakin’ cozy and epic! I hate that I missed out on all that ‘fun’! 😉

Glamour Names Bob ‘World’s Sexiest Man’

For the fourth year in a row – Rob retains his title as Worlds Sexiest Man despite rumors reports that the sexy hunk ball-less wonder isn’t getting any sex. Is this a cruel joke on Bob or just a case of hilarious irony?

To Forgive or Not To Forgive – What In The Hell Is She Saying?

At this point in the game, we all know we are going to get conflicting reports and sightings, and general BS, but Examnier reporter, Rita Watson seems so confused she can’t even keep her story straight enough to make it through one article long enough not to contradict herself. Is this funny or tragic? She begins by stating:
“What if they really do love each other? What if Pattinson really was hurt by Stewart’s involvement with Sanders? And what if Stewart was hurt and felt betrayed that Pattinson didn’t stand by her side when she may have been seduced into hot kisses by Rupert Sanders? If this is the case, for the relationship to survive, forgiveness is imperative.”

Ok – I would somewhat agree that forgiveness is imperative. However, in summation, this genuis reporter states:

“As I pointed out earlier in “Why Robert Pattinson will forgive, forget, and marry Kristen Stewart,” if they love each other, all will be forgiven. If all of the world is their stage, forgiveness may not matter.”

Umm? What?

Showin’ Some PR Love

The moment Twitard PRsten fanatics stop twirling and clinging to their Edward pillow (because their life size Edward cardboard cut-out isn’t quite as soft and cuddly) long enough to read the big words published by a ‘source’ other than a tabloid, perhaps the reality will sink in.

I can’t stress enough the vast amount of love and respect I hold for the sane people and the LEGITIMATE news outlets who continue to expose the Rob and Sten f*ckery.

Things do not look good for you when your own people are calling you out! Perhaps they aren’t creative enough for Stewpid’s liking and perhaps some are pissed because she hinted that many of her peers are without a soul, much like herself vampire character.

It’s like they’ve been reading our comments for years and summed it all up for us with a neat little bow.

Please take a moment to read – and bask. LOL (Thanks, Lisa dahling!)

Stewart-Pattinson Romance: True Love Or Box Office Brilliance?

Please believe our on-screen chemistry.

Rumors that the relationship of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson is on the mend are prompting speculation over whether their love is an everlasting one, or the well-timed reunion is a political coup meant to reinvigorate the Twilight fan base ahead of the release of the final installment of the billion dollar franchise.

To date the franchise has pulled in more than $1 billion in domestic box office sales (and and additional $1.5 billion worldwide).

“We’re going to be fine,” Stewart told reporters on Sept. 8 when asked about her relationship with Pattinson at the Toronto Film Festival, more than a week before whispers of a reunion appeared in the press. For the young actress, who topped our list of the highest-paid actresses in Hollywood this year, even an opaque statement on the possibility of reunion with might have been just what the doctor (or publicist, more likely) ordered to guarantee Twilight’s box office goes out with a bang.

When news of Stewart’s infidelity broke in July (she was photographed with and admitted to a relationship with Rupert Sanders, who directed her in Snow White And The Hunstman), my colleague Dorothy Pomerantz noted that her public apology was a rare plea for attention from the media.

“Stewart has never seemed to care much about her public perception,” she wrote. “She rarely smiles on the red carpet and often look deeply uncomfortable parading around in fancy dresses.” But what Pomerantz read as a heartsick (albeit very public) letter from a 22-year-old to her boyfriend, in hindsight may have set the groundwork for an orchestrated reconciliation.

For the good of the production, industry insiders speculate the pair may have put their differences aside and sat down for a bit of political strategizing in their mutual best interest. After all, both of the actors have staked their professional reputations on the films. Stewart earned $34.5 million last year, primarily thanks to her roles on the Twilight saga. Pattinson was right behind her–he took home $26.5 million. Both have much to gain if Breaking Dawn Part 2 is a success—and much to lose if it isn’t.

“People in Rob and Kristen’s position have to play politicians,” says Michael Heller, CEO of Talent Resources, a New York-based marketing firm that matches celebrities with branding opportunities. Like politicians, the personal lives of celebrities are up for critique—and play a definite role in their professional success (whether it’s a presidential campaign or a film release).

Setting the relationship on the rights (at least publicly) could be little else than a campaign strategy for the pair. Given recent reports that at a recent secret face-to-face meeting between Rob and Kristen, Rob insisted that they both have their respective attorneys and reps present, an all-business reconciliation seems par for the course.

For a celebrity couple to portray a fictional couple in a film only increases the pressure put on that “real life” relationship, Heller says. “If right before that movie comes out there’s a split it can absolutely affect sales.”

He echoes what FORBES contributor David Vinjamuri pointed out this summer: that the bad press of a breakup presents a very real danger for the last film of the Twilight franchise – The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2, which hits theaters in November. Beyond that, he wrote, “It begs an even bigger question: what is the financial risk (and opportunity) of stars whose lives suddenly overshadow a brand franchise?”

In my understanding of the industry—and Heller’s career as an industry heavyweight behind me (he’s repped Lindsay Lohan, people. He understands spin)—that financial risk is precisely what explains the actions—and reconciliation—of Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson this week. Their real-life relationship has threatened to eclipse (bad Twilight joke) the relationship of their on-screen characters, presenting a possible box-office disconnect for their fans.

Particularly with the rise of social media, and the around-the-clock surveillance of celebrities, the movie going experience has changed, Heller says. You go to a movie and you see Jennifer on the screen but you’re also thinking about what she wore when she got coffee last week in L.A. When is she going to get married? And how sad it would be if she’s too old to have a baby.

One thing, then, is certain: Kristen and Rob (and, perhaps most importantly, Summit Entertainment) do not want fans to watch Bella and Edward and think about anything but true, eternal, vampire love.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/09/20/stewart-pattinson-reconciliation-true-love-or-box-office-brilliance/

Tick Tock PRsten

While rumors of a reunion persist, both sides of the epic lurve couple are staying characteristically silent. Can we at least get one ‘I can not confirm nor deny that allegation’? Nothing like dropping a bombshell to pit fans against each other for the 3,2995 time and sitting back to see which opinion is most popular. That is PRsten M.O. Always has been, always will be. Using a façade’ as old as Hollywood itself, both teams are trying to sell the story of epic love and unparalleled devotion and forgiveness to line the pockets of everyone involved in this farce. So, when you feel like slapping the guy who sells you your ticket at your local theater, I’m going to go out on a limb and say, you’re probably justified! I’m sure he too is getting a kickback.

As reported by Studio Briefing, this is a formula that has worked for the entertainment community since it’s introduction of ‘talkies’ onto the big screen. As they point out, we have seen many studio-manufactured romances to boost attendance and ticket sales. Back in the Golden Age of Hollywood, we now know many actors were supplied with the perfect spouse to drape on their arm for public events and photo ops. And to think, this was way before merchandising, branding, and all the ‘little’ extras that a blockbuster film brings with it in today’s market. Perhaps if they were selling Bette Davis v. Joan Crawford Rock ‘em Sock ‘em Robots, or Rock Hudson finger nail polish and perfume, the public would have had a chance to stand up and scream they’d been duped! If only today’s Hollywood carried the integrity of yesteryear. 🙄

The phrase ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ comes to mind when we look at the games being played before us today. And by today – I mean, every.freaking.day. Hollywood Agents, Managers, Producers, Directors, Director’s boyfriends, Lighting Technicians, Grip Supervisors, Sound Managers, and the guys from Craft Food Catering, would lie to their own mothers if it put an extra dollar or two in their pocket. To sell a non-existent relationship is not as easy as it used to be. With the advanced technology available to ‘f*ck them every day’, not only do our celebrities have to entertain us on the silver screen, but if they want us to believe in their ruse, they have to work for it. And, that means ‘acting’ that will transcend into their personal lives.

No confirmation, no denial. Just proof that where ever our two stars are hiding out – they aren’t together making up for sweet, precious, lost time. They are sitting back and waiting for someone they’ve each hired and pay very well, to clean up the mess created by a momentary indiscretion caught on film for the world to see and blow the love story of real life Edward and Bella out of the water.

Best of luck to both teams! You’re going to need it. Advanced ticket sales are only 2 weeks away!

PRsten Reunited!

 

Hot of the Daily Mail press! Bob is reported to have forgiven Screw for her ‘stupid mistake’. I guess all that praying she was doing – as reported by the Huffington Post, has paid off and the claims made made by Femalefirst 2 hours ago which said that he wanted a professional relay with her, are obsolete and he has jumped with both feet back into the flames of Epic lurve! Realizing he can’t live without her, Huff reports, they are moving into yet another secluded estate in the oh-so-private Los Angeles.

All this f*ckery is giving me a headache. One way or another, as most media outlets are reporting a reunion of some sort – it looks like it’s back to game on! 🙄

The 7 Stages of Grief – PR Edition

– Shock or Disbelief
– Denial
– Anger
– Bargaining
– Guilt
– Depression
– Acceptance and Hope

As we sit from the sidelines with our wine and popcorn, another cataclysmic shift has ocurred in the world of PR gone wrong. Someone open another bottle because this is getting better.
News outlets are now reporting that it isn’t Kristen Stewart who is at fault for her lack of ability to keep her legs together, that it is, in actual fact, Rob’s fault because he chooses not to forgive her indescretion. Questioning HIS loyalty, HIS integrity, HIS choice to walk away.
After much harrassment, many tears, and I’m sure several heated discussions, Bob has obviously dug his heels into the ground and sent them a big ol Kristen Stewart from the balcony in Australia double finger flip, and he ain’t coming back. Ruth and her team have worked tirelessly over the past week to spin every angle they could, in hopes they could bully Rob and his people to relent. I think we now have proof that isn’t going to happen – because now they are flipping the blame to him, calling him a disloyal in both the personal and professional sense because he won’t forgive the emo queen for being a whore and for betraying and humiliating him for the whole world to see.
Afterall, Hilary Clinton forgave Billy! So, what gives, Rob? Screw and her team are waiting for your public apology stating that you believe in her and you are sure there is a logical explaination for what transpired. The ball is now in Rob’s court. A ball that hangs from the mirror in Screw’s mini cooper, which sits in a McDonald’s parking lot somewhere in LA.
And, if her begging has fallen on deaf ears, we turn the table ever so slightly by reporting he would be the lucky one if she takes him back. 😯 (I still can not keep up with how epic lurve truly works). Focusing on talent…errmm….or lack thereof…examiner reporter fears that Screwart’s talent will eventually allow her to rise above and this will leave Bob alone and angry. Don’t think so! As WE can see for our sidelines, it isn’t Rob or his friends, or his management leaking stories to the media.
Still trying to sell her sexual infidelity as a momentary indescretion? I guess the public were too smart to buy into the video ‘proof’ of a non-scandal.
I have to root for Rob on this one. It looks like he really wants out and Ruthless isn’t letting him go that easy.

Rob Tells Shrew To Burn His Clothes

Hollywood Life is first on the scene again, to report that Bob’s sources are telling Shrew to stop wearing his clothes because THEY AREN’T A COUPLE anymore. It appears that Shrew’s attempts to lure him back into her loving armpits are in vain. ‘Sources’ (I fuzzy heart these ‘sources’) are saying that he is beyond livid at his ex-flame for wearing his clothes and trinkets of lurve.
What? Hasn’t Rupert let her into his closet and dresser drawers yet? Hmm. Must not be that serious.